Study why?

I find when I study I try to cram everything into tiny words into as little sheets of paper as possible. I have discovered that I am not the only one that does it, my boyfriend does it too (*manic wave!! (if he happens to read this)*) with even more tiny handwriting than myself, cramming whole lectures into a few lines.

But I seem to write out every single sentence, which gets very frustrating knowing I probably did not need those sentences, such as “this isn’t important but sometimes grass has insects”. But what if I needed those sentences? O.o What if those sentences where deliberately there to fool you into thinking you didn’t need it and when I entered the exam room I would be unprepared because I didn’t know what grass had sometimes?

Thus because of this giant “IF” I unwillingly cram everything onto the sheets. Recently my words have got a little bigger because there is too much to study and because I get bored fast and as a consequence I happen to write faster wanting to finish. Subsequently my words become illegible and I don’t know what I’m writing.

To solve these futile efforts, I try to stop myself when I can’t think about what I’m writing, a short break to refresh. A short break becomes half an hour. Half an hour becomes ten minutes. And then I find I’ve been wasting time watching random things on YouTube like Misha the cute talking dog for hours. Stupid cute dogs who think they can talk. And the kung fu bear – which admittedly is pretty darn awesome. Or watching an increasing amount of anime like Avatar (not the stupid blue things but the awesome guy with an arrow on his forehead. Stupid blue things).

Hours become a whole wasted day of seemingly doing nothing, which causes much panic and the determination to try better tomorrow. Tomorrow comes and it’s back to the stupid talking dogs and cute kittens trying to jump of table tops. Hehehe. Kittens.

Later on I decided on a shortening my sentences to grammatically incorrect ones, to make up for the amounts of sentences I suddenly deem important. For instance when a question asks:

“Why would protease inhibitors increase demand for sulphur amino acid and sometimes lead to pancreatic hypertrophy?”

My converted question would be punctuated with symbols and misguided grammar:

Protease inhibit. ^ sulphur aa and then pancreatic hypertrophy why?

Whenever I read why at the end of a sentence I picture myself as a little confused child asking why at the end of every sentence. The kind of extended “why’s” that seem to last forever. Cannot eat glue why? Train why? Need to go potty whhhhyyyyy? YELLING AT ME WHYYYY?

And then I ask myself should I even be studying if all I’m going to do is procrastinate? Screw studying, maybe I should just give in to the needs for watching endless YouTube films and pretending I’m a dinosaur-space-monkey who needs to chew off peoples ears. Maybe I don’t need anything. Happiness is what you make of it. Then I look at the time and decided I should go to bed and wake up realising it’s another day closer to exams and I’ve done jack. Panic ensues. Then I cram.